In leaving an unhappy relationship, it’s very hard to deal with the empty space or feeling of amputation. I had to adjust to being alone.
All sorts of unhappy fear filled thoughts went through my mind after I left my abuser, things he said, thoughts like “I’ll never find anyone else”. I had to recognise those negative, fearful thoughts as a lie.
It’s what I now call “stinking thinking.” FEAR is simply “False Evidence Appearing Real”. I changed my thoughts to “So I’ll be alone for now. That’s good because I need to heal.” I reminded myself of what I read in a book called “Safe places” that “Healthy people would rather be alone than in a sick relationship.”
I said to myself “Better a dry crust in a house full of peace, than a feast in a house full of trouble.” Proverbs 17:1
I promised myself that alone is not forever, I would get through with the Lord’s mercy and help, and one day I was going to meet a good man.” This thought was the truth. Whenever I wavered in doubt the Lord reminded me of His promise.
After I’d got finally got rid of my abuser, suddenly all the chaos stopped. It was like life had flat lined. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so did I. For a while, I felt like I was in an empty void, a space I had to cross where I wavered between fear and temptation.
The temptation was to fill the space, get into another relationship with the next Prince Charming, the next Mr Wrong. I believe without wisdom it’s possible to have the same relationship over and over, even though their names are different. I needed wisdom.
“The Mourning After” deals with what happened next.