Hand me another brick

Hand me another brick“Princess Deborah” (my friend and prayer partner) and I had repented of our ways, and were on the rebuild of our lives, starting with our boundaries.  We didn’t even know what boundaries were.  All we knew was, that we had to rebuild like Nehemiah did. 

The Lord was VERY interested in what we were doing.  He was right behind us in our endeavour.  When we needed information about “building the wall,” we asked Him for help.  The information was going to be hard to come by, we thought. It was the nineties, and we didn’t have the internet.

Coincidentally two friends who didn’t know each other, and didn’t know what we’d asked for, brought me a book and tapes, before the week was out.   I could see that the Lord was in the work.  He told me when people come to Him in faith asking Him for help in anything touching His will, He delights in it.

So we went to work.  Nehemiah rebuilt the walls around Jerusalem in 52 days, but it took us longer than that.  The day came when I’d had enough of working on boundaries, and wanted to get on with other stuff in the Kingdom.  I headed around to Deborah’s and what did I see?  A big pile of rocks her husband had bought down from Taupo for landscaping.  Yes, it was a big sign to tell us to keep on with the work!

Boundaries are important because having them gives control over your life, it enables you to say “yes” to the good and “no” the bad.  People without boundaries are often compliant and can’t say no, and they attract controlling people who can’t hear no.  You know, the ones who if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.  This is what happened to me and my friend “Princess Deborah”.

The Bible says “He that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Proverbs 25:28  The Lord wants us, with His help, to have rule over our own spirit.

The book I was loaned is called “Boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend.  It was really helpful.  I can now say the word ‘no’ without feeling guilt, and I can now recognise and deal with controlling people.  No is a great word!  The tapes were also really helpful but I can’t tell you who did them, I gave them back years ago.  I did take notes and wrote down some very telling extracts in my chapter about “Rebuilding the wall.”

I’ve also found a good sermon on Nehemiah, Rebuilding Spiritual Walls – by Ocean Drive Presbyterian Church, North Myrtle Beach, SC.  If you have 1/2 an hour its worth listening to.

No experience is wasted

FriendsTo everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven,
a time a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them …
Ecclesiastes 3-5.

In my book I wrote a chapter about “Stones,” where I began rebuilding with rubble after a destructive relationship with a narcissist, and some unhealthy friends after him.  I had to rebuild my life on a new foundation.

The friend I met by a swimming pool in an earlier chapter also was going to have to tear down in order to rebuild.  She wanted the same thing for herself and her family that I did.

We began meeting over coffee and praying together with our Bibles open.  We drew inspiration from a book called “Nehemiah”, about a man who God used to build a big protective wall around a kingdom, out of rubble.

I have learned from that time that with the Lord, no experience is wasted.  I am grateful for my nightmare experience with the narcissist because it helped me understand what my friend was going through, and with the Lord’s help I came out of it stronger.  We were able to rebuild standing together, uplifting and supporting each other.

So if anyone reading this is recovering from a destructive relationship, I know what its like because I’ve been there.  With the Lord it is possible to rebuild, even if rubble is the only thing left to rebuild with.   I am blogging for you because the Lord is out there looking for you, and He will restore your soul.  That’s a promise from Psalm 23

Rebuilding with the bricks others have thrown

Successful womanThe King had given me a word to “rebuild the temple”.  He meant “rebuild my life”.

For we are the temple of the living God.  As God has said; “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 2 Corinthians 6:16

It was difficult rebuilding my life after a divorce and abusive relationship with a narcissist.  Where did I start?  Life had to go on even though I was one of the walking wounded.   I had to come to terms with myself and try and figure out what the hell had happened.  I felt like I’d had bricks thrown at me, and all I had to rebuild my life with was rubble and other people’s rubbish.

It happened because I’d lived life on other people’s terms, seeking my worth in their eyes.  Narcissists love to exploit people like that.

I lacked rule over my own spirit.

“He that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls” Proverbs 25:28

At this stage of the journey, I needed boundaries.  I didn’t even know what the word meant.

What did I have to rebuild with?  Rubble, lots of it.  I got started with the bricks.  I have learned since then that with God, no experience is wasted.

‘Stones,’ a chapter in my book deals with the vision I got from Nehemiah.  He’s a guy who in the Bible who built a wall around a shattered Kingdom.