Friends are the family we choose for ourselves

There is a proverb from the bible that says,

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

Have you ever had a situation where you’ve been dropped by a friend, or you’ve allowed some friendships to lapse?

There was a chapter in my book about the friendship with my best friend, which was being strained by my christian faith.   Note: My editor said I had to trim the book down so I culled that chapter.  “Murder your darlings” my editor called it.

Anyway I fought to keep my friend because she became like a sister to me.

My own sisters are all twins – they are two sets of fraternal twins, who have each other.

It made me feel very alone growing up.  My best friend has been around since I was thirteen.  I won’t say how long its been since then, but a few decades.  I am glad to say our friendship survived.

She is a friend who has stuck closer than a sister.

No experience is wasted

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven,
a time a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them …
Ecclesiastes 3-5.

In my book I wrote a chapter about “Stones,” where I began rebuilding with rubble after a destructive relationship with a narcissist, and some unhealthy friends after him.  I had to rebuild my life on a new foundation.

The friend I met by a swimming pool in an earlier chapter also was going to have to tear down in order to rebuild.  She wanted the same thing for herself and her family that I did.

We began meeting over coffee and praying together with our Bibles open.  We drew inspiration from a book called “Nehemiah”, about a man who God used to build a big protective wall around a kingdom, out of rubble.

I have learned from that time that with the Lord, no experience is wasted.  I am grateful for my nightmare experience with the narcissist because it helped me understand what my friend was going through, and with the Lord’s help I came out of it stronger.  We were able to rebuild standing together, uplifting and supporting each other.

So if anyone reading this is recovering from a destructive relationship, I know what its like because I’ve been there.  With the Lord it is possible to rebuild, even if rubble is the only thing left to rebuild with.   I am blogging for you because the Lord is out there looking for you, and He will restore your soul.  That’s a promise from Psalm 23

Honk honk, the company we keep

In a chapter of my book ‘Pearls to Pigs’ the friend I called “the Minstrel” and I went our separate ways.  I’d gone the extra mile for him, but we reached a crossroads and I chose a different road. 

Before leaving the crossroads I gave him the chapters of the Kingdom, where he had appeared in the story.  I always do it for friends I am going to part company with.

Unfortunately he took if for a love story, and we did not part on friendly terms.  He read those chapters to everybody, without context.  I had been a silly goose.

I had to learn not to give pearls to pigs.  I nearly stopped writing the Kingdom story at that point, but the main character – the King, wanted me to stick with it.  If you read my story you will see how He led a badly wounded princess to a better place and I believe He wants to use the story for His purposes.

So at this point in my journey, I had suffered harm and needed healthier people to be friends with.  A companion of fools suffers harm, but he who walks with wise grows wise.  Proverbs 13:20

I kept White Flower.  She liked to gossip but had good qualities.  Walking with her was difficult – but in the end, she proved to be true.  Deborah and Kate had joined me, and now we meet the Bright One and his wife Princess Neen, who I found while traveling through a place called ‘the Flatlands.’

They became friends with me, and my friends.  The Bright One and Neen brought in Prince Dom.  My kids brought in “Mara” and her son from across the road.  We were all following the Lord, in a natural, non religious way.

I am glad they got into formation with me.  If I had been a goose I could not have flown on my own.