An attack of FUD (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt)

I have struggled with unbelief, particularly in the early days, even after I found the Lord and heard what He’d promised me.  On one particular occasion, the Lord dealt with my lack of trust and reminded me of the promise He’d made.  

The story is told in my book.

I think we all struggle with doubt, especially when the Lord is silent.  I copied this Word for the Day from Radio Rhema NZ, that I received around the same time I had the FUD attack.  It helped me, and it may help you or someone you know who is trying to recover from a destructive relationship.  If this helps, God bless, I know what its like and I’m blogging for you.

Rebuilding Trust

When your trust is violated, you become distrustful and you start questioning in areas you never did before.  Sometimes you can’t receive the very love you need because in defense your wounded spirit vows, “Nobody will every do that to me again.”  The real damage is not what you went through, but what you’re left with: terrible doubt.  The woman at the well had been through five broken relationships, and when she met Jesus she didn’t know that He was different.  He had to take down her defenses or she’d have missed that greatest thing that ever happened to her.

Jesus is “the same yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).  Even though you can’t go back, He can.  He can turn on the lights in those dark places and break the chain that binds you to memory.  “The former things shall not be remembered, nor come into mind” (Isaiah 65:17).  You don’t have to wait until you get to heaven to experience this; He can do it for you now.  But you’ll never experience a moment of what He’s promised until you learn to trust again.  Trust God, and trust the people He sends to bless you.  Yes, you’ll be disappointed.  Don’t look for perfect treatment from imperfect people.  You’ll get lots of practice in forgiving, but that’s the Christian life.

The people God can use the most are those who have been made whole in wounded places and strengthened in broken places.  Ask Him to help you take down the wall of fear and learn to trust again.

Butterflies are free to fly

Butterflies-are-FreeThe Lord taught me how to look for Him and see signs.  At the start of my journey He told me to “setup signs and mark the road“.  As a story teller I weave them into my story called “The Kingdom”.  Some signs are easier to see than others.  This sign was a butterfly.

The butterfly appeared before I found the Kingdom, when “Silver-tongue”, the narcissist, told me “You are like a butterfly in a jar.”  I thought he was talking about freedom.  No, he wanted to put me in his jar.

I saw a butterfly on the Solitary Path, and my friend White Flower (who did not know that story) dreamed of me and saw it too (Chapter 25 “The Solitary Path“).  It was flying free and alone.

In this chapter, “Chapter 29 The Butterfly”, I was with Liang and his friends, discussing transitional relationships, when the butterfly again fluttered its way into my peripheral vision.  The butterfly was being held and needed to be let go.

“Other relationships can help to rebuild, but a pitfall is investing too much emotional time and energy into the new relationship. Learn all you can, heal all you can, and stop holding the precious butterfly in your hands so tightly that it can’t fly and be free. The energy you spend holding on tightly to the other person and relationship keeps you from climbing your own mountain and completing your own healing”.

I was trying to use a relationship to heal from an earlier relationship with a narcissist.  Its not wise to do that, and it is not the way of the Kingdom.

How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
Shakespeare, Othello, Act 2 Scene 3

From experience, the best way of healing is just to be patient with yourself and allow time, and God’s love to get you through.  If you don’t know the Lord, call on his name, for He is near to the broken hearted.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”  Psalm 34:18

He is a healer.

He heals the broken-hearted, and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3  That’s a promise.

You may want revenge after being used.   I know I did.  You will be likely to be so hurt you’ll only make things worse for yourself.  Let the Lord handle it.  He will mete out justice in the end.  Remember, time wounds all heels.