Soul searching and the three treasures

Do you keep meeting the same kind of person?  The root of this problem is in grief.  We are compelled to repeat something until it is resolved.  The best way to avoid being sad is to be mad, at someone else.  If you had a parent figure who let you down, you find someone else like them, and stay mad at them for 40 years!  We are not people who let go of things by nature.

Heart-decisions

There is a proverb about this; As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.  Proverbs 26:11

People with damaged boundaries are perpetually in a state of loss, all the time.  It manifests as depression, rage, resentment, worry.  Depression can keep you on bondage to the person who feels they own you.  Depression is unresolved grief.  I have heard it said that depression is anger without enthusiasm.

Guilt is rage you’re lying about.  People who are really mad at someone, but anger won’t work, put themselves in the victim role.  We like to blame it on someone else, then we can avoid guilt.  If we’re angry at someone who has manipulated us, we have to ask ourselves, “what did I want from them that gave them the power to do that?”

What I have learned is the problem is never the real problem.

The solution is forgiveness, to let go of destructive people so we can receive.  Let it go, cry over it.  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4

We need to take ownership of our feelings, attitudes, and behaviour.  These I have learned are called the three treasures.  If you have boundary injuries, so that you can’t take care of these, or you are putting somebody else’s monkey on your back, its because someone has hated your treasures.  Someone wanted your compliance, your going along with something, your being a good student, your helpfulness, your being entertaining or whatever, more than they wanted you to be real, open and grow, and there was a transfer.

Jeremiah, the weeping prophet tells us ““The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”  Jeremiah 17:9

That’s the human heart.  Deceitful.  Beyond cure.   Not able to be understood.

id ego superego

When I went to back to College to earn my Diploma of Business, the first paper we did was Business Communication.  It confirmed what I’d learned in the years I was rebuilding my life after a marriage breakup and disastrous “relationship” with a narcissist. 

Like an iceberg, most of what affects the soul is submerged.  The decisions we make which are based on our feelings, attitudes, and behaviour are affected by things hidden at an unconscious level.  Isn’t that scary.

God knows how we are wired, even if we don’t.

But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives”. Jeremiah 17:10.

The good news is that the Lord is called “Wonderful Counselor” and He can bring to light those secret motives.  We all like sheep have gone astray.  The Shepherd’s goal is to search for the lost sheep and restore souls.

We want to be out of pain, we’re wanting to be in control, we’re wanting love, for the hurt to stop.  We have all these needs that are good, that want life to be better, a hunger and thirst for righteousness not getting answered.

Jesus said “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Matthew 5:6

There is nothing more important in growing and recovery than taking ownership in life of your three treasures.  This will determine how you handle everything; finances, work, family, career, body, spouse, friendships, etc.  Boundaries serve as an assistant to protect these three treasures – our feelings, attitudes, and behaviour.

Boundaries are freedom and freedom is love.  We will never get there until we get to grips with our own sin, to receive grace, so we can give it away.  The pain leads us to the grace.  We can never understand truth until we have the grace first.

Most of what I have written about here was from a tape I was given on Boundaries, which I made a passing reference to it in the part of my book where I started to rebuild my life.

I kept the notes from the tapes and have put them on the blog so it can in turn help you.  He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4.

The three treasures deals with what the Lord taught me here about the hidden things of the heart.

The three treasures

Wisdom

By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled
with rare and beautiful treasures
.”  Proverbs 24:3

After reading these words, Joanna looked at the King sadly.  The rooms of her house in the Kingdom were empty.  In the bad days before she had boundaries, her treasures were often taken from her.  The people who were nearest to her hated her treasures.

They had wanted her compliance, her going along with something, her helpfulness, her skills, her work, her possessions, more than they had wanted her to be real.

Other people made demands she would be paralysed to say no to, because her conscience blocked her from refusing them.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure,” she read; “Who can understand it?”  Jeremiah 17:9

This was the human heart.  Deceitful.  Incurable.  Unable to be understood.  How could she fix what she could not grasp?  She fought a brief feeling of hopelessness, until she remembered the words of the King;

But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives”. Jeremiah 17:10.

It brought to mind the words of Anna, her Great-Great Grandmother who wrote, “the Lord sees into your heart.

Joanna prayed;
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

“Father, I have a problem. I cannot rely on my own conscience. Conscience; meaning moral sense, principles, scruples, still small voice.  It has loaded me down with all sorts of guilt, failed to protect me, and made me responsible for other people’s rubbish.

Now I am building boundaries to keep the bad out, but whenever I build a boundary I experience a feeling of guilt.  Where was this coming from?  I cannot rely on myself!  Granted, with your teaching and influence I am getting better. You never speak to me the way I speak to myself. Help me to guard my heart, and to stand.”

The King heard her prayer, and joined Joanna next to the wall He helped her build.  She was making progress.

He said “This wall is to protect the treasures that lie within.”

“What are these treasures that you speak of, Lord?” she asked.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34

“Basically there are three treasures; three parts of the heart, the soul,” the King replied;
The first treasure is your feelings; your emotions which serve as barometers of the Soul.  They function as a signal.  People who don’t take ownership of their feelings, whose feelings have been violated, lose their sense of self protection.  Ask yourself, do I own my feelings, or do I let other people own my feelings?  Your feelings are our own.

The second treasure is your attitudes; convictions, what you believe, what is real to you and what isn’t, your doctrinal beliefs, what you think is true about life.  You have to stand for what you believe.  You always used to always question if you were right or not” the King stated.  She nodded.  He was right.  “People without good boundaries around their attitudes do that.”

“The third treasure is your behaviour You went through life feeling like someone else was making you do something, because they had some sort of hold over you.  Is that not true?”

She nodded.

“Many people feel like that.  People that always feel controlled by the outside ‘they made me do it’, tend to be people who don’t set good limits, or haven’t been able to set good limits on other behaviour,” the King explained.

guard-your-heartJoanna was reminded that all citizens of the Kingdom would be judged by the King for their actions.

For all must appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each person may receive what is due for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”  2 Corinthians 5:10

“You are going to be called to account at the Judgement for the Believer and your behaviour will be evaluated.  You won’t be able to accord it to anyone else, you will have to say that you stood alone and you made the decisions.”

She nodded, understanding the King was the Judge.  For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honour the Son just as they honour the Father. He who does not honour the Son does not honour the Father who sent Him.” John 5:22

Bowing before the King, she asked “For where my heart is, my treasure is.  Please take up the throne in my Kingdom.  Help me to enforce my boundaries so that no one can make me do anything!  I want to be able to own my feelings and trust my decisions.  Teach me to guard my heart so that I can keep the treasures safe.”

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  Proverbs 4:23

Wellspring